6

Knowing full well what I was getting into, I proceded forward.

The Oriental golf pro from across the way decided to drop by and offer a series of Powerpoint slides to me showing how he was the center of the universe. The graph was very colorful; in fact, too colorful. It was a bar graph, showing every major event you can think of (except 9/11, because let's face it, every motherfucker on the planet uses that one), and one of the bars, colored in pastel blue nonetheless, showed his birth and rise from the ashes of enlightenment.

I'm standing there, wondering whether I really like saltine crackers or not, when he piped up with an offer.

"You can be my friend for half of the quarter of what you tithe to yourself before and after taxes."

I pondered this, and while he was powering down his film projector, I asked for more information while I tied my shoes. He remained silent, figuring he had said everything he needed to say. After zero interaction from both of us, he handed me a coupon for a free car wash and a gerbil massage from the local Italian eatery, which pissed me off to know end.

"Asshole. You know how many CLOSETS I have FILLED with these fucking things?" I said, throwing it back at him. I didn't have time to fuck around with this off-world runner because I had an appointment with the CEO of Worldtron.

I cancelled that one and decided to walk the circumference of the earth, only stopping to spin on a playground's merry-go-round until the colors changed. Eventually it caught on, and hoards of idiots just like myself walked with me, until finally the population of the earth in its mass stopped with me in a desert in some godforsaken corner of it all.

"Jump."

They all jumped.

"Keep jumping. And stay here."

I walked away, or at least I tried to. You try walking when 6 billion people are throwing the planet's axis off. I didn't think it would work until it started snowing...right there in the desert.

There is a god.