5

Right around the time the government banned the use of quarters for use in soda and snack machines, I found myself at the local grocery store hunting for a new paint to color my kitchen floor with. I was looking for a dark color, because I figured if it was dark enough, I could dump shit on it and nobody with half a fucking brain would notice. That, and I needed for supplies for my nightly sleep, mainly products with ungodly amounts of tryptophane so when I hit the pillow, the colors of unsunned skies and textures of only dreamt-of Quake maps would flood the area between my pupils and eyelids.

"YOU CALL THIS VIETNAM?" I could hear the man down the street scream this to his wife constantly as he made his way to the community mailbox where mail was sorted *right* *there* and whether or not you received the mail addressed to you was horseshit because you were goddamn good and GLAD to have gotten anything.

Upon paying for my supplies, I was asked to step outside so the owner could put a revolver to my head and have me tell him why all the cool religious stuff happened hundreds of years ago, but all we have nowadays is a bunch of motherfuckers walking around in clothes of brown telling us they are Jesus, while the rest of us simply plop money into the coffee stained cups of despair. I had to hurry home to play this new Xbox game where upon inserting the disc, a list of reasons why you should set fire to everything you own slowly scrolled down the screen. Once that was done, you had to go to your window and publically acknowledge that yes, there was a sun and that once harnessed, you too could write your own Family Guy episodes.

Of course, none of that made a fucking difference in what's known as my life, so I ran for public office and won that very day. The first thing I did was quit followed by an impromptu singing of a random Fleetwood Mac song. Once done, I bowed and left, only to return home to see it was the same fucking color, in the same fucking neighborhood, at the same fucking time, every fucking day of my life.

On top of that? I couldn't even begin to tell you why the television played nothing but Air Supply songs over color bars. But it was a welcome change.