34

I couldn't watch television anymore, so I promptly sold it for a vial of green goo that was supposed to make it so that when god made his monthly appearance, I wouldn't grab hold of his tie and try to swing him around. The shit was supposed to work for 6-10 minutes without interruption. If you were properly stretched and warmed-up, it could last longer. That, and a proper diet, will get you a great pile of shut your fucking mouth with a please and thank you k thx dickhead.

It was time to see my first patient anyways.

On the docket we had Jimbo Baby Carnes, whose symptons consisted of shitting idols in the shape of a cross of a Smurf and a canteloupe. I told him he was fine, keep taking care of your kids, never mind what the wife says, and in the end, the kids will know you did good. He left, but not without scribbling "BONER" on the wall with a crayon. "I feel good, dude!"

I closed shop and started work on my next post-apocalyptic novel, but realized I was typing the evening news word for word.

Hope no one minds.