Friday, November 25, 2005

22

After countless yet fruitless hours of negotiating, I decided to tell the crew to fuck off and go gome and that I alone would handle the rest. The 30 or so hostages that had turned on their captors who then wrestled their guns back out of the hands of the hostages had now turned into a gigantic clusterfuck that nobody really wanted to sit down and figure out. I entered the establishment where they were holed up in and over the course of 5 weeks or years, I convinced each person to commit themselves to ending their lives or creating a new religion, whichever worked out first.

When the President of the Earth found out, he was rightly pissed. That was a lot of people to lose; a lot of people she couldn't say, "You even been in MY SHIT? I'll bet you haven't, you son of a bitch! You ever forget that, you better back the fuck up and ask for ME because I'LL be the bastard there to assist you in remembering!"

As I was forcibly dragged into her office, I couldn't help but to notice the smell of kerosene and coffee; two of my favorite things, just not together, especially after all that has been accused of me. She waved her guards out and it was just her and I.

"You know what you did, right?"

"Yes." I said.

"Teach me."

That threw me through a loop. It turns out she had reached her personal breaking point just minutes ago and wanted me to show her how I did.

"Sure, I'll do that. Right after I buttfuck myself with a torch. You think you're going to convice the universe to kill itself YOURSELF? Not in this lifetime, you asshole. That's my gig."

She began to speak up. "AH AH AH!" I said, and then continued to the door.

The fucking nerve of some people.

No comments: