20

Old friends may come and go, but enemies fucking do nothing but piss me off with these idiot autobiographical movies they make about me. Most of them aren't even close to being true. Out of the 37,000 movies that came out last year, 35,000 were about me and even 31,000 of those portrayed me as a hero when all I've done in my life is pick three names out of the phone book and annoy those people until suicide was contemplated.

I received my award for being the giant asshole of the earth, and waited until the auditorium calmed down before I spoke. I waved everyone down into their seats.

"Ladies, gentlemen, people who aren't sure. Yeah"

With that, I took my award and left the stage, bypassing the lovely meat and cheese trays donated by the same people who voted for me to have this award.

Nah, I didn't think it was very ironic either.